I am not one to apologize easily. Nor do I exactly come from what I would call a family of apologists. Don't get me wrong; I've always yearned to be like those who can sincerely and humbly admit their "wrong" without any justifications. I feel sorry plenty; I've just never been very good at saying it (okay... sometimesI SUCK at saying it, Bryan, but I'm getting better. ;))That was before I became a mother--with major DAILY blunders and a new-found need to vocalize my mistakes in the most heartfelt and clear manner I can muster. Not that I have to muster, really. It's never been easier to say, "I was wrong. I am sorry I handled X this way. Next time, I will do my best to...." (and I've said it plenty in the last couple of years, down on my knees in fact, in order to get to eye level). Then I have to actually follow through on that promise, hope that it is enough to assuage hurt feelings, and wonder if in some small way my apologizing will help my daughters to find their own humility in time. This last one, especially, requires patient parental waiting.
And then....this morning, several minutes after being on the receiving end of some harshly spoken words, I heard a softly-spoken, "I'm sorry, Mama" come from the other room. I peeked around the corner to make sure I had heard what I thought I heard. I saw Jenna shyly and quickly glance at me before concentrating again on her "people." She didn't repeat her apology--which means that saying it the first time wasn't easy--which makes it an even greater personal victory.
I accepted her apology of course without further ado, but I thought "good for you, Jenna....good for you...you just did one of the most difficult things and you appear to be learning it like decades before I did...AND you healed the hurt in the process.
*Important Mothering Note--actually this qualifies as an Important Human Being Note: OMG Immediate lecturing and pressuring to apologize might not be the route to go. Data to support last statement: On this particular occasion, Jenna had the opportunity to apologize of her own volition because I gave her space (not time-out) and silence (not to be confused with silence of the silent treatment sort) to do so. Wiiiillllldddd. :)
*Another important Note to Husband: Daddy apologizes frequently, sincerely, and well. The kids and Mom have an excellent "I'm sorry" model with Dad too, so this post is not to be confused as a mother taking credit here. (Well, maybe I am taking a little credit). I guess the equation would be Mom + Dad (squared) + Jenna (cubed). :)
